If you've gone on social media ― specifically Facebook or Twitter ― or opened Netflix in the last two weeks or so, you've probably heard of To All the Boys I've Loved Before, one of Netflix's latest original movies. Based off the young adult novel by Jenny Han, To All the Boys follows the story of protagonist Lara Jean Song Covey after the secret love letters she wrote to five boys she had a crush on are somehow sent out.
The movie has quickly become a sensation for various reasons, from its cute but not terribly stereotypical story to the lovable and relatable characters to the family relationships to the Asian-American representation― not to mention it's a good adaptation of the book.
Perhaps the most obvious comparison is that Lara Jean and myself are both Asian-American. Before I read the TATBILB series, it had never occurred to me that I don't think I'd ever read a young adult fiction book with a female Asian-American protagonist, let alone an Asian-American protagonist, let alone any fiction book with an Asian protagonist. And I've read a lot of books. Based on some quick Google searches, there are about 4 billion Asians in the world and about 13 million Asian-Americans, so the fact I couldn't recall reading a book with an Asian-American protagonist was ridiculous. Therefore, finally reading a book, especially a YA book, with a female Asian-American protagonist was awesome and long-awaited.
And to see a female Asian-American protagonist in a YA rom-com movie was another first. Not seeing anyone that looked like me on TV, in movies, or even on toy store shelves wasn't something I noticed growing up, but as I got older, I definitely noticed. I mean, when I was a kid and got an American Girl doll, I chose one with fair skin and medium blonde hair because that's what I was used to seeing ― not to mention there weren't any with tan skin and black hair. I didn't even know that you were meant to choose a doll that looked like you ― not that I could.
But anyway, seeing someone who looked like me be the lead, be the star of a movie, made me feel empowered, like my dreams could come true as Lana Condor's dream of being the lead in a rom-com did. And it's just nice to see people who look like you be represented. Simple as that.
Lara Jean is much more than an Asian-American character, though. Seeing her personality and who she is as a person come to life in the Netflix film has been eye-opening to me. It was just really special and meaningful to me to see someone who not only looks like me but acts and thinks similarly to me in a movie. I honestly don't even know where to begin.
If you've read the books or seen the movies, it's obvious Lara Jean is a homebody and an introvert. She doesn't mind staying at home enjoying her own company, even if others her age are all about going to parties and hanging out with their many friends. It was refreshing to see that in a movie about young adults, especially when so many movies with high school and college-aged protagonists are always about partying and popularity. Yes, I know Lara Jean went to a party with Peter, but that's not the point.
The point is that movies often make it seem like you can't have fun in high school or college (or just as a young adult in general) if you like staying at home over going out or partying. As someone who never went to parties in high school or out to bars/parties in college, watching Lara Jean enjoy her Saturday night at home with Kitty, watching Golden Girls on the couch made me feel normal, like I wasn't weird for not partying or going out. And when Lara Jean told Kitty she didn't feel weird or ashamed for not having plans on a Saturday night because she loved spending time with her sister, that really got me because I'm always at home, not having plans to go out, enjoying my time with my sister.
Speaking of sisters, Lara Jean is very close with her two sisters, Kitty and Margot. They all depend on one another and help take care of each other. I, too, am close with my sister ― although my sister and I are the same age since we're twins, In fact, my twin sister is my best friend. So I definitely relate to Lara Jean when it comes to sisters.
Other than her sisters, Lara Jean spends her time with her fake-boyfriend-turned-real boyfriend Peter Kavinsky and her best friend Chris, who's pretty much her only friend. In fact, there's a line in the movie (and probably a similar line in the book) when she's introducing Chris and says, "Christine. Chris. Gen’s cousin, my best friend. My only friend, really." So when heard that, it really hit me ― not because I felt bad for her, but because I don't have many friends myself.
I know so many people from high school and college, and throughout those years, social life is all about groups of people: who you sit with at lunch, if you join a sorority or fraternity. If you don't have a lot of friends, it's like you're missing out or you're a loner. In high school, I had a good amount of friends but never a big close group of friends that I would hang out with all the time and take pictures with before school dances. As high school went on, the amount of friends I had decreased. I would try and try again to keep these people in my lives, but so many of these friendships became one-sided. So my declining number of friends was something I became insecure about.
Eventually as I moved on to college and graduated from there, I could count the number of friends I had with one hand. I learned to value quality over quantity, especially with friends, but every now and then, I would find myself wishing I had more friends. This has especially become true lately as nearly all of my friends have moved out of state, so I don't really have any friends nearby anymore. So when I read about Lara Jean having just Chris as her one friend, it made me feel less alone, especially because she never seemed hung up on the fact Chris was pretty much her only friend.
But there's even more to Lara Jean that I value and makes me see myself in her. So the main conflict of To All the Boys stems from the love letters she writes, which is a result of Lara Jean being a hopeless romantic, old fashioned, and a dreamer. Now I haven't written any love letters to boys I've liked and kept them in my closet, but I'd definitely consider myself an old-fashioned hopeless romantic dreamer.
I, too, like writing letters. I love sending my friends birthday cards and wrote my best friend Carly letters the summer after we graduated college and we weren't in the same state anymore. I wrote letters to my high school friends at different schools when I started college. Unlike Lara Jean, I've never written a love letter, but I'm definitely the kind of person who needs to write out all of her feelings, especially when they are overwhelming, like with Lara Jean's crushes.
When you're a introverted hopeless romantic who wants to be prepared like me and Lara Jean, fantasizing is totally normal. Sometimes it's like the opening scene of the movie with Lara Jean reading a romance novel and fantasizing about her and Josh as the book's characters, about to have a romantic scene in a big field of flowers ― literally daydreaming about boys, romantic relationships, and even celebrity crushes. I admit I've thought about what it'd be like to be in a relationship or go on a date with someone I know and/or am friends with.
Going along with that, Lara Jean and I both dislike confrontation and any unnecessary attention. Any "dreamy introvert," as Jenny Han has called Lara Jean, would avoid anything that would bring extra attention to him/herself. I mean, in the movie, Lara Jean rolled out her bedroom window to avoid talking to Josh after he gets his letter! We want everything and everyone to be fine and happy, not to be the center of attention.
Like Lara Jean, I'd love for life to be like a great story, full of love and with a happy ending. That's what hopeless romantics do. They love love. (In the sequel book P.S. I Still Love You, Margot tells Lara Jean that she is in love with love, and Lara Jean thinks that isn't a bad way to be.) They want everything to be perfect in the end. They feel heartbroken when Troy and Gabriella break up in High School Musical 2, which Lana Condor (and myself) totally did!
But I think another part of being a hopeless romantic that can go unnoticed is the vulnerability and fear in it all. When you just love love and want everything to be "happily ever after," you get scared and want to protect yourself. There's a line in the movie about why love is scary to Lara Jean, and she says "Because the more people you let into your life, the more they can just walk right out." And while she's referring to her mom who passed away when she was younger, this applies to anyone in her life. Of course we all want people in our lives, but sometimes we don't want to let too many people in, continue to feel like "second best," and/or ruin our chances at happily ever after.Being heartbroken by Troy and Gabriella's breakup in HSM 2 and crying about Crazy Rich Asians? Wait. Am I Lana Condor?!— Amanda Wijangco (@amanda_carmela) August 19, 2018
But for real, LOVE THIS. LOVE @alltheboysfilm. CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE. https://t.co/fpkYpOzaUL
That line spoke me to me so much, especially with all of the friends I've lost in the past couple of years. Some of those friends were people I thought I'd have in my life forever. So when they started to walk out on me, when they started putting in much less effort into the friendship than I did, it was easier for me to just stop trying. And then I stopped letting so many people in. Luckily for me, and for Lara Jean, I think we've learned to be vulnerable and to conquer some of that fear, letting special people in. And that's a good lesson to learn because when it comes to who's in your life, it's important to remember quality over quantity but also to not let fear prevent you from having a great person in your life. If Lara Jean didn't get over that fear at all, she wouldn't have her first real boyfriend in Peter, and if I didn't, then I don't think I would have found my college best friend Carly, one of the best friends I ever made.
If you've made it this far into the post, I applaud you because this is definitely one of the longest posts I've ever written. When I began writing this, I did not expect it to be so long, but things just kept coming to me. Anyway, I think that's all for the big, serious connections I've made between myself and Lara Jean. But there are quite a few smaller, more fun things as well! And since these are all smaller things, hopefully the rest of this post isn't super long like everything above.
Baking. Whether you've only seen the movie or read the book and seen the movie ― has anyone who's read the book not seen the movie? ― you know Lara Jean bakes. It's actually much more prevalent in the book since Lara Jean bakes only twice in the movie, but Lara Jean loves to bake. Throughout the entire book series, there's mention of baking a plethora of different kinds of cookies, baking cupcakes for Kitty's bake sale, baking in the middle of the night because she can't sleep, baking a wedding cake, and even trying to bake the perfect chocolate chip cookie (which takes a lot of attempts and a trip to New York). I, too, love to bake. I have a huge sweet tooth, so that's pretty much why. Plus, I like decorating and making things pretty.
And while there are probably at least five other things I have in common with Lara Jean that make her mean so much to me, it feels like it's time to wrap this up, so I'll write about just one more.
Last, but most certainly not least, is that Lara Jean appreciates the little things. In the book, Lara Jean is thinking about Margot and how it isn't easy to keep in touch with her and tell her everything she wants to because Margot is a busy college student and is so far away. She tries to remember everything she wants to share with her older sister but can't. So she says,
Lara Jean learned to appreciate the little things when her older sister leaves for college. I also learned to appreciate the little things because of college ― but not because someone left. If you follow me on social media or are familiar with my blog at all, then you should know I'm a huge gymnastics fanatic. When I was in college, I covered the women's gymnastics team all four years and often interviewed the head coach and gymnasts. A common question was what to improve on, what to focus on, etc. to get to their goal, and because gymnastics ― college gymnastics, especially ― is scored and decided by tenths of point, the answers to those questions was usually "the little things," which meant the details in their routines: good form, pointed feet, steps on dismounts, hitting handstands.By the time you finally see each other, you're catching up only on the big things, because it's too much bother to tell about the little things. But the little things are what make up life.
After hearing that answer for four years, I found the value in the little things, and I don't mean in gymnastics. I learned appreciate small gestures, like someone complimenting my outfit or hair, when someone I'd usually interview would ask me a question about myself for a change, even just a funny moment when watching TV with my sister and best friend. It's easy to be thankful for the big things that happen to you in life, but like Lara Jean says, "the little things are what make up life."
And while I relate to Lara Jean so much and jokingly say "I'm Lara Jean!" I know we're not the same. For starters, Lara Jean is much braver than me. But that isn't the point. After reading the books and watching the movie, I had never seen myself so much in a character. There are other book and movie characters whom I've been able to relate to, but seeing so much of yourself in a character ― especially when you and the character are introverts who worry about people walking out" ― makes you feel heard, represented, and less alone. And to me, one of the simplest desires in life is just to know you're not alone.
P.S. You know those Korean yogurt drinks from the book and movie? The ones Lara Jean and Kitty have the first morning Peter drives them to school? I have three of those in my fridge. Just saying.
No comments
Comments are moderated and must be approved before publication. Profanity, hate speech nor any offensive speech will be approved.
Words have power. Don't abuse them.